


I Long To Hear You Voices As I Remember Them

by Paragosm



Series: Nuhoyir - Aay'han Afterlife Spin-offs [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Give side characters backstory 2020, Non-binary clones, Songfic, Trans Clones, canonical character deaths, everyone you love will die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25135882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paragosm/pseuds/Paragosm
Summary: Vaughn remembers: except when they don't.
Series: Nuhoyir - Aay'han Afterlife Spin-offs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1803157
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	I Long To Hear You Voices As I Remember Them

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic of AJJ's Your Voice As I Remember It, listen while reading for full effect.

_ I long to hear your voice as I remember it _ _   
  
_

Vaughn spun in circles, laughing as Shank congratulated him on his name, the trainer snorting and shaking her head as she watched the batchers celebrating, Fortress slapping him on the back. Vaughn smiled, mismatched eyes shining.    
  


_ I long to hear your voice as I remember it _ _   
  
_

Vaughn hugged Forttress tightly, smiling, and punched his shoulder lightly. “Look at you, bigshot. A pilot for the 212th?”    
  
“Yeah.” He said proudly, puffing his chest out, grinning. “Have fun being a grounder under Skywalker.” “I will.” huffed the other shiny, crossing their arms, grabbing his brother and pulling him into a keldabe, ruffling the shaved close cut he’d gotten. “Have fun being one of Kenobi’s flyboys.” He gave him his com code. “You better talk to me, Fort’ika, or I’ll desert to yell at you.”    
  


_ But I can't and I won't  
_ _   
_ _   
_ The Captain puffed their chest out with pride as Tano looked over their men. The passing thought of “what if Shank, Fortress, Aurek, 090, or 93 could see me” and “what if Tup could” and “what if Hardcase could” and so it went until it ran through all their marched on vode had made themselves remembered in their mind, and Tano shot them a sympathetic glance. Right. Jedi can read emotions.    


_ I can't and I won't cause you're dead and you're buried  
_ _   
_ _   
_ Vaughn laughed and clapped a hand on Tup’s shoulder, touching up the twin suns on their helmet. “Be careful with that tear drop, one of these days you’ll make them way too big and-”    
  
“Be quiet, kih’vod.” Tup said, shoving them as they laughed more, remembering the in joke. “You should be careful with that mess on your face, Va’ika.” Tup retorted, hair loose around his face, framing it. Vaughn gasped. “At least my flames look cool.”   
  
“They look like osik.” Vaughn spins around and tackles Fives as he says it, yelling something along the lines of take that back, to the laughter of those there.    
  


_ I long to hear your voice as I remember it  
_ _   
_ _   
_ Vaughn nearly tripped over themselves, staring like Jesse had sprouted wings and a pink curly tail. They saw Echo...the legendary ARC...the one Fives had known..Fives...Tup...they turned away and ran back into the barracks, legs tucked up, curled up. They all knew what had happened on Coruscant, even if they didn’t talk about it.    
  
They never did.    
  
It wasn’t worth it, not when you were cannon fodder.    
  


_ I long to hear your voice as I remember it  
_ _   
_ _   
_ Fives slapped them across the back, smiling. “We’ll make sure Tu’ika is fixed and back in action soon, Vau’ika, I promise.” The unspoken pain in his eyes, Vaughn knew why it was there, they had heard the whispers about the first time the 501st were on Umbara and Dogma’s fate, told them otherwise.    
  


_ But now I have no choice but to remember it  
_ _   
_ _   
_ Vaughn was curled around Dinui, the stuffed tooka they had been given, stomach twisting, remembering the date, and looking at the gauntlet they had been given by Fortress’ Flight Sergeant Masterpiece, the wordless communication telling them -him, at the time- all they needed to know.    
  
They just wish…   
  
They just wish they heard his voice one last time..   
  


_ No recordings were made  
_ _   
_ _   
_ They woke up in a cold sweat one night, remembering Shank’s face as he slipped and fell to his death, looking around the small, separate berthing they’d been given after being promoted to Captain and given their own unit. The 332nd, the Fighting Dogs, as they called themselves, were good vode and soldiers. Young and inexperienced, sure, but not bad.    
  
Which is why they got up, and headed to the barracks. They slipped into Moth’s arms, one of their older transfers, the vod older than they were, his skin covered in elaborate insect tattoos. He yawned and woke up some, giving the Captain a keldabe. “Mmm, whatcha need, sir? Have more nightmares?” “Lek.” Vaughn said, digging their face into the heavy gunner’s shoulder. Moth didn’t question them further, and let them sleep with him.    
  


_ No mp3's  
_ _   
_ _   
_ Vaughn snorted, and sadly looked over at the new vod’ika under them. “I miss my batchers too.” They nearly panicked, trying to remember their voices, but it had been years for each of them, Vaughn grabbed at straws, falling down into a mental pit, scrabbling for the barest shards of memories.    
  


_ No AAC's  
_   
  
They started describing them to Fives. “Fortress had this sort of silvery grey sort of hair...no, that was Shank...right?” They trailed off into mumbling, running their fingers through their hair, careful not to get them tangled in the curls.    
  
That moment of hesitance haunted them.    
  


_ No WAV's  
_   
  
Vaughn clasped Match’s arm, pressing their helmets together. “You be careful, adenn’vod’ika, and give them hell.” The pilot’s grin could be felt even through her helmet. “I will be, sir. Now, let my sisters and brothers get to the ships, before the Seppies get their droids all up our shebs.” Vaughn chuckles, and steps back.    
  
The ships take off, and they smile. “Come back home, vode.” They said, lips quirking up.    
  
Oh, weren’t they proud of their troops.    
  


_ I long to hear your voice, the timbre of your voice  
_   
  
Moth grins and swings around the Z-6 like it weighed the same as a cup of air, his shoulders bunched tightly as they traveled to Mandalore, not that long after another long, hard battle. “Oh, be a little lighter, sir.” Vaughn stared off, remembering the faces of 93 and 090, or at least, what they thought might have been their faces.    
  


_ I long to hear your voice as I remember it  
_   
  
They went down to Medbay, and looked over the men laying there. The only ones left were those who needed intensive care. Titt, one of the medics, looked up, her eyes shining with tears as she covered the body of a vode. “Who was it?” Vaughn asked quietly.    
  
“It was Dream, Captain.” Her voice was choked up, a blaster bolt scar twisted the tan skin on her face, hair kept in the basic cut, the red medical cross painted on her shoulder worn, even though she was relatively new.    
  
Vaughn sighed. “I’ll tell Nightmare. He’s gonna take losing his twin hard.” She nods, and when their back is turned, she collapses into a chair and starts sobbing. They spin on their heels, and go to her, pulling off their helmet. “Hey, hey, Ti’ika, shh, I’m here.” Her eyes seemed to follow the flame pattern their beard was shaved into, eyes locked into his mismatched ones.    
  
“You can be open with me, even if you act tough for the others, you’ve gotta open up, vod’ika.” They pressed their forehead to hers, and she leaned into the touch, a few tears slipping down her cheeks.    
  
“It’ll be ok.” They soothed her, hugging her close.   
  


_ No recordings were made  
_ _   
_ _   
_ They stepped off the ship, and into chaos. As they watched their pilots soar and dive in the sky, Lieutenant Moth was already getting clankers to eat lead, blasts echoing all around them.    
  
The Mandalorions fought hard, some of them shocked when the oldest among them returned their hand to hand moves with other mandalorian martial art moves.    
  
Vaughn fought like hell, just like their men, saluting across the battlefield at ARC Lieutenant Jesse of the 501st, who jokingly saluted back.    
  
Vaughn watched some of their shiny new men fall, blasts kicking up debris and reducing buildings to rubble, Titt dragging men to relative safety and everything else involved in the chaos of battle continuing through the day.    
  


_ No mp3's  
_   
  
They reported back to Commander Tano. She seemed like she’d been through a lot since she left the Order. They nodded along to the orders, smiling under their helmet as they gave signals to their men to split up and look for Maul.    
  
They looked up into the sky, murmuring remembrance for their lost vode now, just in case.    
  


_ No AAC's  
_   
  
They ran, looking for cover, looking for their men, 93’s eerie words about being hunted and him going missing from his bunk the next day sticking in Vaughn’s mind as their legs burned. Lift, place, lift, place, run,  _ run,  _ **_run._ ** **_  
  
_ **

_ No WAV's  
_   
  
Vaughn laid there, coughing and wheezing, lungs collapsing, incapable of breathing, golden brown eye and dark brown eye staring off into the ceiling, blood dripping and collecting in their armor.    
  
They almost saw Fives and Tup and 93 and 090 and Fortress and Shank and everyone else, shimmering, Fives reaching out a hand.    
  


_ I long to hear your voice, the timbre of your voice  
_   
  
Tano held their hand….they were so sorry...they failed...Moth...Titt….   
  


_ I long to hear your voice as I remember it  
_ _   
_ _   
_ “HEY VOD!!” Shank tackled them, and Fortress did the same. Two cadets, 090 and 93, hugged their legs.    
  
What followed was sobbing, apologies, comfort, and being led around the Afterlife, stupidly grinning, shoving down the guilt and anger at themselves for leaving their men.    
  
They could deal with that on their own later. 


End file.
